I don’t usually like to blog until I have worked through something successfully, can wrap it up with a nice bow to make a pretty presentation. But yesterday I started an online Bible study with Lysa TerKeurst for her new book “It’s Not Supposed to be this Way.”

She talked about writing this book from the “messy middle” – from a place in life where she wasn’t at the finish line looking back but in the midst of the struggle.

And so- I’ll share. After the unexpected loss of a young pastor, Sterling, in our church recently, the same age as my husband with a son the same age as my oldest son- I’ve wrestled with a fear of sudden disaster.

I’m not worried about my own death- I’m confident I’ll be in heaven with Christ, in spite of my life full of sin and mistakes- because of Jesus’ sacrifice and forgiveness on my behalf.

No, I worry about the death of those closest to me. The grief, the loss, the pain, the adjusting to life without them.

It’s heartbreaking.

And it happens. It’s happened to so many I know.

In all honesty, when I first heard of his death, past the first minutes of denial, I had this feeling like God has failed. Like we are all on this rope course of life and suddenly the supports gave way and God abandoned one of His own. I felt that if God had failed, then what security in the whole world did we have left!?!

The next day as I calmed down enough to start listening to God again, I felt Him ask me, “Karen, what promise did I break in allowing Sterling’s death?”

And though emotionally I felt that surely there must be a broken promise somewhere, as I mentally went through several of God’s promises, I realized that no, not a single promise had God broken.

We aren’t promised eternal life this side of heaven, but after death here. We aren’t guaranteed to live to the average life span or beyond. We aren’t promised that we will know the hour of our death so we can say our goodbyes. In fact, Jesus said in this world, we will have trouble.

It would not be amazing that there will be no more pain or sorrow or death in heaven were it not contrasted to the depths of pain, sorrow, and death on earth.

I don’t know why, I don’t have answers for that. But I do know my God is still faithful. He is still a Promise Keeper. That even though sudden disaster does happen, He doesn’t want me to fear it or worry about tomorrow (or today).

Just going to close by listing some Scriptures- not to address the “why” but to remind myself of the “how”- how to process, how to respond, how to fix my thoughts not on my fears but on Christ. To trust Him still…

“He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalms‬ ‭91:4‬ ‭

“Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday.” Psalms‬ ‭91:6‬ ‭

“The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die.” Psalms‬ ‭116:15‬

“They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.” Psalms‬ ‭112:7‬

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Matthew‬ ‭6:33-34‬ ‭

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭